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Bible verses!!! (AKA “reverse cherry-picking” to even things up)
Well, maybe reverse cherry-picking isn't a good way to put this. The bulk of the bible is like what's shown below. It's overwhelming how much bizarre, objectionable, idiotic stuff is in here.
The order of the NT books is incorrect and clearly a deception. Paul's snarky, condescending letters to the various congregations pre-date the gospel stories even if we accept the church's favorable dating of the books. That explains why Peter and Paul were arguing over what rules to follow, which are things that Jesus supposedly clarified during his earthly life (like the multiple times he said that the old Jewish laws were to stand unaltered). Paul also clearly describes revelations coming from spiritual encounters with Jesus, and he doesn't mention Jesus' supposed physical life on earth. That story hadn't been made up yet.
Most of this is courtesy of Brian Shuty. This is just a small sampling. If you want to see all of it, order An Atheist's Critique of the Bible.
Genesis marker
1:16 and 1:17: God makes 2 lights in the sky to light the earth. The moon has just reflected light. ...The author didn't know that, so god didn't, either.
16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
2:2: God rests on the 7th day. We thought he was all-powerful.
2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
3:1 to 3:7: The whole Garden of Eden story. ...Where did god go while the snake was doing its thing? Why did he put the snake and the tree right there and make it tempting? Why does it need to be edible? Imagine setting up the same basic situation with a 2-year-old and some cookies. Then, when the child fails the test, remind them about it until they're 40 or 50...really fair. If this story were true, god was trying to make us fail.
1 Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
6:4: Giants on early earth!!!
4 There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
6:13: God is appalled at the violence of mankind and decides to violently kill everyone...with a flood.
13 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.
6:19: Collect 2 of every animal. ...How did the Australian (or Madagascan) animals get to the ark and back? What about food and the amount of poop? The billions of types of insects? Religious fanatics have been caught trying to make forgeries of the ark. ME: The author (and god and Noah) clearly didn't know about the startling diversity of species and their far-flung homes...if we assume NO evolution happened before or after the flood.
19 And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.
8:20: Noah sacrificed a bunch of the animals after landing the ark. What are the animals supposed to eat with the plants drowned? ME: Um, weren't there only 2 of each kind? Did he have amazing animal husbandry skills, or did he make a bunch of the animal species extinct? Unicorns...no, wait, the bible mentions those after the flood. The story also fails to account for some animals being carnivorous. Some animals would end up as food for other animals. How would a tiger survive any other way?
20 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.
19:31 to 19:38: Lot's daughters date-rape him. They give birth to the patriarchs of the Moabites and the Ammonites, who god enjoys killing later on.
31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
37 And the firstborn bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
20:2: Abraham tells another king that his wife is his sister (half-sister actually) so the king will sleep with her. ME: Another shining moral example. He does this at least 2 times with different kings. What is the end-game here???
2 And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
22:1 to 22:12: God testing Abraham to see if he'll kill his only son for him, which he should've already known. ME: Not worthy of MY worship...or anybody elses'. Thinking about this makes me ill.
1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.
2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
3 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
4 Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
5 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?
8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
9 And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.
10 And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.
11 And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.
Supposedly, Yahweh started as the god of war in a polytheist religion. This explains his taste for blood and generally mean nature.
Exodus marker
11:5: God kills the firstborn of everything in Egypt. Great morals. This, after he “hardens the Pharaoh's heart” so he won't let the Jews go and gives god reason to attack more as a show of power.
5 And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.
12:35: Moses tells the Jews to borrow (steal) the Egyptian's silver and gold as they were leaving.
35 And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:
12:45: God states that no immigrants, servants, or non-Jews can come to his party.
45 A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.
14:4 and 15:1: God hardens the Pharaoh's heart so he chases after them. Then he splits the sea and drowns those pursuing Egyptians. ME: God flatly claims to create this situation so he can do more cruelty, but maybe the Egyptians are chasing them because of all the loot they stole. The people who drowned there were just following orders that god supposedly prompted the Pharaoh to give.
4 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.
1 Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the LORD, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.
15:2: Popular bible quote, but it's after god kills needlessly as a show of power.
2 The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.
15:3: Clear description of god as a god of war. Definitely explains a few things...
3 The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.
15:11: Clear reference to there being multiple gods. ME: One of those gods MUST be better than this one.
11 Who is like unto thee, O LORD, among the gods? who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?
15:26: Follow my statutes and commandments, or I'll put the same plagues on you as I did the Egyptians. ...It's like a husband who shows love by not beating his wife...if she does everything right. ME: Wow, very loving... It makes sense for a god of war, though, that it would show love by not attacking.
26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.
17:16: God swears to war with Amalek for generations. ...Nothing about sin or the like, just apparent racism. ME: How effective is this god if he can war with a people for generations and not destroy them? Maybe warfare is an end in itself for god?
16 For he said, Because the LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation.
18:11: More comparison with other gods. If you claim there's only 1 god, you have to account for god himself and many of his followers acknowledging the other gods.
11 Now I know that the LORD is greater than all gods: for in the thing wherein they dealt proudly he was above them.
10 commandments marker (still Exodus)
20:3: Thou shalt have no other gods before me. ...Seems to allow existence and worship of other gods as long as this one is first in line.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
20:5 and 20:6: God threatens people down to the 3rd or 4th generations and promises mercy to those who love him and keep his commandments. This “mercy” is a reprieve from the violence god himself is perpetrating. ME: How fair is this to the children and grandchildren of someone who didn't do it right? They're born cursed and probably don't know why.
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
20:10: Don't work on the sabbath, AND that applies to your slaves, too...a nod to slavery there.
10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
20:12: Honor thy father and thy mother. First commandment that isn't about god himself. Seems like it should be more conditional since there are some awful parents out there.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
20:13: Thou shalt not kill. ...It doesn't make sense that god and his people kill so much, especially in the OT – all of the cities where they killed everybody. As Dawkins said, the rules were Jew-specific, and it could be rewritten as “don't kill other Jews”.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
20:14: Thou shalt not commit adultery. ...What exactly is adultery? Abraham, Isaac and Jacob all had multiple wives and constantly impregnated concubines like a maternity ward brothel.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
20:15: Thou shalt not steal...although the Jews had a god-sanctioned stealing spree before leaving Egypt, AND when they take over a city and kill all the men, they divide the stolen loot and women.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
20:17: Thou shalt not covet anything of thy neighbor's...including his servants. Another nod to slavery...IN THE 10 COMMANDMENTS.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
FYI: The commandments above were never said to be carved in stone.
34:10 to 34:27: These are the commandments supposedly written in stone (round 2 since the first set of tablets were broken). Unlike the unofficial ones, these are completely bereft of moral guidance. They talk about things like how god will drive people out of certain kingdoms (which he hasn't so far), how jealous he is, odd prohibitions against yeast in bread during certain times, LOTS of animal sacrifice rules, sabbath rules, and the grand finale: don't seethe a kid in his mother's milk??? God could've given some worthwhile guidance here, but there's no mention of killing, stealing, honoring, etc. ME: Nobody should claim moral superiority using the commandments; the goods just aren't there.
10 And he said, Behold, I make a covenant: before all thy people I will do marvels, such as have not been done in all the earth, nor in any nation: and all the people among which thou art shall see the work of the LORD: for it is a terrible thing that I will do with thee.
11 Observe thou that which I command thee this day: behold, I drive out before thee the Amorite, and the Canaanite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, and the Hivite, and the Jebusite.
12 Take heed to thyself, lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land whither thou goest, lest it be for a snare in the midst of thee:
13 But ye shall destroy their altars, break their images, and cut down their groves:
14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
15 Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice;
16 And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.
17 Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
18 The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep. Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, as I commanded thee, in the time of the month Abib: for in the month Abib thou camest out from Egypt.
19 All that openeth the matrix is mine; and every firstling among thy cattle, whether ox or sheep, that is male.
20 But the firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb: and if thou redeem him not, then shalt thou break his neck. All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty.
21 Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest: in earing time and in harvest thou shalt rest.
22 And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end.
23 Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord GOD, the God of Israel.
24 For I will cast out the nations before thee, and enlarge thy borders: neither shall any man desire thy land, when thou shalt go up to appear before the LORD thy God thrice in the year.
25 Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven; neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.
26 The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.
27 And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel.
Back to Exodus marker
20:24: More of god's love affair with altars and animal sacrifices.
24 An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.
21:2: Only enslave Hebrews for 6 years.
2 If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.
21:3 to 21:4: What to do with the wife if the slave is married.
3 If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him.
4 If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the wife and her children shall be her master's, and he shall go out by himself.
21:5-6: Drive an awl through the ear of a slave who won't leave his wife behind, and you own him forever.
5 And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:
6 Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.
21:17: Death for cursing or hitting your parent.
17 And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
21:20 to 21:27: Beating slaves is just fine by god. Particular physical damages (including death) and their consequences are defined. If a man causes a woman to miscarry but doesn't hurt her otherwise, it's just a fine instead of by death. Seems rather pro-choice.
20 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.
21 Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
22 If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.
23 And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life,
24 Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,
25 Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.
26 And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake.
27 And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake.
22:28: Don't speak poorly of the other gods. Don't criticize your ruler (Obama). (The Christian Right is terrible at doing as god tells them.)
28 Thou shalt not revile the gods, nor curse the ruler of thy people.
29:12 to 29:28: God's guide to sacrificial blood rituals, including about covering yourself in it. ME: This is some sick shit, and there's a lot more all over the old testament about the same. It also should drive home how bloodthirsty this god is and how out of date and uncivilized this stuff is.
12 And thou shalt take of the blood of the bullock, and put it upon the horns of the altar with thy finger, and pour all the blood beside the bottom of the altar.
13 And thou shalt take all the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul that is above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and burn them upon the altar.
14 But the flesh of the bullock, and his skin, and his dung, shalt thou burn with fire without the camp: it is a sin offering.
15 Thou shalt also take one ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.
16 And thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.
17 And thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.
18 And thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.
19 And thou shalt take the other ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.
20 Then shalt thou kill the ram, and take of his blood, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of Aaron, and upon the tip of the right ear of his sons, and upon the thumb of their right hand, and upon the great toe of their right foot, and sprinkle the blood upon the altar round about.
21 And thou shalt take of the blood that is upon the altar, and of the anointing oil, and sprinkle it upon Aaron, and upon his garments, and upon his sons, and upon the garments of his sons with him: and he shall be hallowed, and his garments, and his sons, and his sons' garments with him.
22 Also thou shalt take of the ram the fat and the rump, and the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and the right shoulder; for it is a ram of consecration:
23 And one loaf of bread, and one cake of oiled bread, and one wafer out of the basket of the unleavened bread that is before the LORD:
24 And thou shalt put all in the hands of Aaron, and in the hands of his sons; and shalt wave them for a wave offering before the LORD.
25 And thou shalt receive them of their hands, and burn them upon the altar for a burnt offering, for a sweet savour before the LORD: it is an offering made by fire unto the LORD.
26 And thou shalt take the breast of the ram of Aaron's consecration, and wave it for a wave offering before the LORD: and it shall be thy part.
27 And thou shalt sanctify the breast of the wave offering, and the shoulder of the heave offering, which is waved, and which is heaved up, of the ram of the consecration, even of that which is for Aaron, and of that which is for his sons:
28 And it shall be Aaron's and his sons' by a statute for ever from the children of Israel: for it is an heave offering: and it shall be an heave offering from the children of Israel of the sacrifice of their peace offerings, even their heave offering unto the LORD.
31:15: Don't work on the sabbath or you will be put to death.
15 Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.
32:10 to 32:14: Moses talks god out of killing all of his followers for worshiping a golden calf, and god repented of the evil he was going to do to his people. God doing evil...god is capable of premeditated evil.
10 Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them: and I will make of thee a great nation.
11 And Moses besought the LORD his God, and said, LORD, why doth thy wrath wax hot against thy people, which thou hast brought forth out of the land of Egypt with great power, and with a mighty hand?
12 Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.
13 Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, thy servants, to whom thou swarest by thine own self, and saidst unto them, I will multiply your seed as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have spoken of will I give unto your seed, and they shall inherit it for ever.
14 And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people.
33:22 and 33:23: You can't look at god's face and live, but you can check out his ass.
22 And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:
23 And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.
Leviticus marker
Starts off with 10 chapters (252 verses) with detailed instructions about animal sacrifices. Why did god give us all these rules about something clearly so important to him if he was just going to send his son and let us not follow them? He had to have known that was coming. ME: How loving can a god demanding so much blood sacrifice be?
12:1 to 12:8: More about how women are unclean around the time of their period and also when they give birth. The unclean period is twice as long if it's a girl. It tells what animals must be sacrificed to clear the uncleanliness. As always, something must die.
1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.
3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.
4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled.
5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.
6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or a turtledove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:
7 Who shall offer it before the LORD, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.
8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.
15:19 to 15:20: I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die. - God
19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
15:29 to 15:30: Every time a woman is done menstruating, she must kill 2 turtles or 2 pigeons. ME: Those animals would've gone extinct if we kept these rules.
29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.
18:22: Don't lay with a man as you would with a woman; it is an abomination. ME: This is a pretty light condemnation compared to other parts of the bible. It's unfortunate that the haters cherry-pick the hell out of this one verse.
22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
21:18 to 21:20: God says to not approach the ugly, handicapped, midgets or someone with broken gonads.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
26:21 to 26:32: God threatening his followers with violence if they don't obey.
21 And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins.
22 I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number; and your high ways shall be desolate.
23 And if ye will not be reformed by me by these things, but will walk contrary unto me;
24 Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish you yet seven times for your sins.
25 And I will bring a sword upon you, that shall avenge the quarrel of my covenant: and when ye are gathered together within your cities, I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy.
26 And when I have broken the staff of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied.
27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
30 And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.
31 And I will make your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation, and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours.
32 And I will bring the land into desolation: and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it.
27:5: A woman is worth half the amount of a man.
5 And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
Numbers marker
21:34-35: Another senseless genocide.
34 And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people, and his land; and thou shalt do to him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon.
35 So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land.
23:22: Another unicorn reference.
22 God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.
31:7 to 31:18: Israel wars with the Midianites – killed the men, boys, and non-virgin women BUT told to “keep alive for yourselves” the virgin women and girls. (If they're not being kept as sex slaves, why is the virgin part so important?)
7 And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.
8 And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword.
9 And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.
10 And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.
11 And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts.
12 And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho.
13 And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp.
14 And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.
15 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?
16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.
17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
Deuteronomy marker
2:20 and 2:21: Not only did giants exist, but god himself killed them off.
20 (That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims;
21 A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead:
2:24 and 2:25: God commands his army to attack the king of Heshbon, and god wants the nations to tremble at the mention of his army. Sounds like a god of war alright.
24 Rise ye up, take your journey, and pass over the river Arnon: behold, I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle.
25 This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee.
2:30 to 2:34: God hardens the king's heart so god's army can justify taking his lands. They also kill everyone, including the women and children.
30 But Sihon king of Heshbon would not let us pass by him: for the LORD thy God hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand, as appeareth this day.
31 And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have begun to give Sihon and his land before thee: begin to possess, that thou mayest inherit his land.
32 Then Sihon came out against us, he and all his people, to fight at Jahaz.
33 And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people.
34 And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain:
3:3 to 3:6: They go slaughtering from city to city in another kingdom, including the women and children.
3 So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.
4 And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan.
5 All these cities were fenced with high walls, gates, and bars; beside unwalled towns a great many.
6 And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.
3:11: 4th mention of giants.
11 For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold, his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man.
4:2 and 12:32: God says these rules are forever and that you are not to add to it or subtract from it. There's nothing about a man/son who will die to make this null and void.
2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
32 What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.
7:1-2: God says no mercy...to innocent nations.
1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
10:16: Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked. ...???
16 Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked.
12:27: More instructions about burnt offerings and blood.
27 And thou shalt offer thy burnt offerings, the flesh and the blood, upon the altar of the LORD thy God: and the blood of thy sacrifices shall be poured out upon the altar of the LORD thy God, and thou shalt eat the flesh.
13:6 to 13:10: Death for anyone who tries to entice you away from god. ME: The bible says I should be killed for pointing out the absurdities in god's book.
6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;
8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.
17:2-5: Kill anyone with different religious beliefs from you.
2 If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant,
3 And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded;
4 And it be told thee, and thou hast heard of it, and enquired diligently, and, behold, it be true, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought in Israel:
5 Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die.
18:10-12: Mention of wizardry, witchcraft and necromancy. These are all real things, too, right?
10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,
11 Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.
12 For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.
18:20-22: Prophets who turn out to be wrong should be killed.
20 But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.
21 And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken?
22 When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.
21:18-21: If your son won't listen to you, drag him out into public, call him fat and drunk, and invite your neighbors to stone him to death.
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Don't say that's just how things were in that time period? Why would god come into our dimension only to give us rules that apply to a particular time period?
22:5: Don't ever dress in drag.
5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
22:13, 20-21: If a man marries and doesn't like his wife, he can claim she's not a virgin and have her stoned on her father's doorstep...unless the parents can prove she is a virgin. A simple divorce would be easier, but marriage is a bond that can only be broken by murdering a woman while her parents watch.
13 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, he dislikes her and makes up charges against her, slandering her by saying.......and hate her,
20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
22:22: Adulterers should be killed.
22 If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.
22:28 to 22:29: If a virgin is raped and isn't engaged to anyone, then the rapist must pay her father money and then marry her.
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
Joshua marker
6:21: God's 31st genocide.
21 And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.
1st Samuel marker
2:8: Reference to the pillars of the earth. The bible is limited by the knowledge and demographics of the men who wrote it.
8 He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD'S, and he hath set the world upon them.
11:1: Reference to men of Jabeshgilead, who were killed off years ago in Judges.
1 Then Nahash the Ammonite came up, and encamped against Jabeshgilead: and all the men of Jabesh said unto Nahash, Make a covenant with us, and we will serve thee.
16:14: God sends an evil spirit to mess with a king who fell out of favor because he didn't kill everything as god commanded.
14 But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him.
27:8-9: David does another genocide. Keep in mind David is practically a saint, according to the bible anyway.
8 And David and his men went up, and invaded the Geshurites, and the Gezrites, and the Amalekites: for those nations were of old the inhabitants of the land, as thou goest to Shur, even unto the land of Egypt.
9 And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive, and took away the sheep, and the oxen, and the asses, and the camels, and the apparel, and returned, and came to Achish.
2nd Samuel marker
2:8: Saul's son is made king even though that entire family was killed in 1st Samuel.
8 But Abner the son of Ner, captain of Saul's host, took Ishbosheth the son of Saul, and brought him over to Mahanaim;
2nd Kings marker
2:23-24: 42 children mock Elisha for being bald, so he curses them in the name of god to bring 2 bears to kill all of the children.
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
9:33-37: New king of Israel, another homicidal maniac.
33 And he said, Throw her down. So they threw her down: and some of her blood was sprinkled on the wall, and on the horses: and he trode her under foot.
34 And when he was come in, he did eat and drink, and said, Go, see now this cursed woman, and bury her: for she is a king's daughter.
35 And they went to bury her: but they found no more of her than the skull, and the feet, and the palms of her hands.
36 Wherefore they came again, and told him. And he said, This is the word of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Elijah the Tishbite, saying, In the portion of Jezreel shall dogs eat the flesh of Jezebel:
37 And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field in the portion of Jezreel; so that they shall not say, This is Jezebel.
10:30: God approving of the rampage.
30 And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel.
1st Chronicles marker
First mention of Satan by name...who is formally introduced in a later book.
2nd Chronicles marker
15:13: Men, women and children should be killed if they don't believe.
13 That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
25:11-12: 10,000 slaughtered, another 10,000 kept alive so they could be thrown off a cliff. These are the actions of god's chosen people, and god has no objections.
11 And Amaziah strengthened himself, and led forth his people, and went to the valley of salt, and smote of the children of Seir ten thousand.
12 And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces.
26:16-20: Another new king immediately going to war in the name of god and later doing something small that god doesn't like and being smote.
16 But when he was strong, his heart was lifted up to his destruction: for he transgressed against the LORD his God, and went into the temple of the LORD to burn incense upon the altar of incense.
17 And Azariah the priest went in after him, and with him fourscore priests of the LORD, that were valiant men:
18 And they withstood Uzziah the king, and said unto him, It appertaineth not unto thee, Uzziah, to burn incense unto the LORD, but to the priests the sons of Aaron, that are consecrated to burn incense: go out of the sanctuary; for thou hast trespassed; neither shall it be for thine honour from the LORD God.
19 Then Uzziah was wroth, and had a censer in his hand to burn incense: and while he was wroth with the priests, the leprosy even rose up in his forehead before the priests in the house of the LORD, from beside the incense altar.
20 And Azariah the chief priest, and all the priests, looked upon him, and, behold, he was leprous in his forehead, and they thrust him out from thence; yea, himself hasted also to go out, because the LORD had smitten him.
27:1-5 and 28:1-5: More of the repeating storyline about Israeli kings killing and then getting smote.
1 Jotham was twenty and five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned sixteen years in Jerusalem. His mother's name also was Jerushah, the daughter of Zadok.
2 And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Uzziah did: howbeit he entered not into the temple of the LORD. And the people did yet corruptly.
3 He built the high gate of the house of the LORD, and on the wall of Ophel he built much.
4 Moreover he built cities in the mountains of Judah, and in the forests he built castles and towers.
5 He fought also with the king of the Ammonites, and prevailed against them. And the children of Ammon gave him the same year an hundred talents of silver, and ten thousand measures of wheat, and ten thousand of barley. So much did the children of Ammon pay unto him, both the second year, and the third.
1 Ahaz was twenty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned sixteen years in Jerusalem: but he did not that which was right in the sight of the LORD, like David his father:
2 For he walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, and made also molten images for Baalim.
3 Moreover he burnt incense in the valley of the son of Hinnom, and burnt his children in the fire, after the abominations of the heathen whom the LORD had cast out before the children of Israel.
4 He sacrificed also and burnt incense in the high places, and on the hills, and under every green tree.
5 Wherefore the LORD his God delivered him into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him, and carried away a great multitude of them captives, and brought them to Damascus. And he was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter.
6 For Pekah the son of Remaliah slew in Judah an hundred and twenty thousand in one day, which were all valiant men; because they had forsaken the LORD God of their fathers.
Job marker
1:7: God asked Satan where he's been. He apparently wasn't the serpent who would slither in the dirt forever for tempting Eve. So, who was the serpent???
7 And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
The whole book of Job is about an extremely devout follower that god lets Satan make totally miserable. Job starts to lose his faith, and god yells at him for it.
Psalms marker
6:5: Clear reference to a lack of an afterlife.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?
92:10: Another unicorn reference.
10 But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.
137:9: Refers to attaining happiness by dashing your kids against the stones – abortion perhaps? Supposedly, this is an act of revenge against Babylon.
9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
Shuty refers to this book as a giant death wish for heathens.
Ecclesiastes marker
Not much to see here!
Isaiah marker
11:8: Reference to a cockatrice – a rooster-headed dragon
8 And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den.
13:16: God telling of how in the end-times he'll destroy you. ME: More stuff that causes one to question the intent and spirit of this book, not just the facts it presents. Supposedly, this was about the destruction of Babylon, but does that make it any better? I'm also not aware of god's threats coming to fruition.
6 Howl ye; for the day of the LORD is at hand; it shall come as a destruction from the Almighty.
13:21-22: More satyrs and dragons.
21 But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.
22 And the wild beasts of the islands shall cry in their desolate houses, and dragons in their pleasant palaces: and her time is near to come, and her days shall not be prolonged.
19:2: Forecast calls for more war and killing in Egypt...courtesy of god.
2 And I will set the Egyptians against the Egyptians: and they shall fight every one against his brother, and every one against his neighbour; city against city, and kingdom against kingdom.
19:14-24: All unfulfilled prophesies
14 The LORD hath mingled a perverse spirit in the midst thereof: and they have caused Egypt to err in every work thereof, as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit.
15 Neither shall there be any work for Egypt, which the head or tail, branch or rush, may do.
16 In that day shall Egypt be like unto women: and it shall be afraid and fear because of the shaking of the hand of the LORD of hosts, which he shaketh over it.
17 And the land of Judah shall be a terror unto Egypt, every one that maketh mention thereof shall be afraid in himself, because of the counsel of the LORD of hosts, which he hath determined against it.
18 In that day shall five cities in the land of Egypt speak the language of Canaan, and swear to the LORD of hosts; one shall be called, The city of destruction.
19 In that day shall there be an altar to the LORD in the midst of the land of Egypt, and a pillar at the border thereof to the LORD.
20 And it shall be for a sign and for a witness unto the LORD of hosts in the land of Egypt: for they shall cry unto the LORD because of the oppressors, and he shall send them a saviour, and a great one, and he shall deliver them.
21 And the LORD shall be known to Egypt, and the Egyptians shall know the LORD in that day, and shall do sacrifice and oblation; yea, they shall vow a vow unto the LORD, and perform it.
22 And the LORD shall smite Egypt: he shall smite and heal it: and they shall return even to the LORD, and he shall be intreated of them, and shall heal them.
23 In that day shall there be a highway out of Egypt to Assyria, and the Assyrian shall come into Egypt, and the Egyptian into Assyria, and the Egyptians shall serve with the Assyrians.
24 In that day shall Israel be the third with Egypt and with Assyria, even a blessing in the midst of the land:
34:2-6: More of god's anger and slaughtering.
2 For the indignation of the LORD is upon all nations, and his fury upon all their armies: he hath utterly destroyed them, he hath delivered them to the slaughter.
3 Their slain also shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood.
4 And all the host of heaven shall be dissolved, and the heavens shall be rolled together as a scroll: and all their host shall fall down, as the leaf falleth off from the vine, and as a falling fig from the fig tree.
5 For my sword shall be bathed in heaven: behold, it shall come down upon Idumea, and upon the people of my curse, to judgment.
6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.
34:7-14: More unicorns, dragons, satyrs, etc. ...This sounds like a work of fiction, but people tell me otherwise.
7 And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.
8 For it is the day of the LORD'S vengeance, and the year of recompences for the controversy of Zion.
9 And the streams thereof shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch.
10 It shall not be quenched night nor day; the smoke thereof shall go up for ever: from generation to generation it shall lie waste; none shall pass through it for ever and ever.
11 But the cormorant and the bittern shall possess it; the owl also and the raven shall dwell in it: and he shall stretch out upon it the line of confusion, and the stones of emptiness.
12 They shall call the nobles thereof to the kingdom, but none shall be there, and all her princes shall be nothing.
13 And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and brambles in the fortresses thereof: and it shall be an habitation of dragons, and a court for owls.
14 The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr shall cry to his fellow; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest.
45:7: God directly claims to create evil. Even if “evil” is replaced with “woe” as some texts try to clarify, I don't think it changes much.
7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
ME: Skipping all sorts of slaughter references. This is some brutal, ugly, primitive shit.
Matthew marker
2:4-5: Misstatement about fulfilled prophesy - Micah states that a military leader will be born in Bethlehem Ephratah (a clan, not a town) and that this leader will defeat the Assyrians, which never happens. What Jesus claims later is quite different.
4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born.
5 And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judaea: for thus it is written by the prophet,
The baby Jesus is taken to Egypt to evade an angry Herod, although Luke claimed they went to Nazareth.
Herod's killing of all children in Bethlehem (in search of Jesus) is not backed up by any historical record, including the historian Josephus, who documented Herod's life in detail.
2:23: Reference to a "he shall be called a Nazarene" prophesy, which there's no record of.
23 And he came and dwelt in a city called Nazareth: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophets, He shall be called a Nazarene.
3:7: John the Baptist refused to baptize some Pharisees and Sadducees. He's a racist.
7 But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his baptism, he said unto them, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?
3:15-16: Jesus is baptized, although the reason is far from clear.
15 And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him.
16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:
5:17: Jesus says he's here NOT to destroy the law or the prophets. First mention of upholding the OT laws. Note that Jesus actively tries to fulfill prophesies, which reduces the long odds of someone fulfilling them by simply going about their business. You'd think he'd fulfill the prophesies without trying.
17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18: The law shall not change until after heaven and earth pass. Second mention of the OT laws not changing because of Jesus.
18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
5:28: Lusting after a woman = committing adultery. ME: How does a guy do anything without sinning? This is a transparent attempt to spread that guilt and self-deprecation. How can we be held accountable for thought crimes - crimes with no intention or deliberate action??? This is how we were wired. Maybe God should be on trial for this one.
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
5:32: Women can only be divorced if they cheat. Anyone who marries a divorcee is committing a sin. ME: Check the divorce rate!
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
6:6: Jesus telling Christians to pray in secret instead of in the open. What great advice!!! Later, Paul will advocate the opposite when he decides to get rid of some rules.
6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
7:7-8: Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find. This is one of the biggest lies in the bible. How many desperate prayers for dying children have gone unanswered???
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
7:13-14: Very few will make it into heaven. Not very merciful or inclusive...you'd think he'd have done something about that in the past 2000 years...when he's busy not coming.
13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
10:34-37: Jesus says he came to bring a sword, to set families against themselves, for anyone who loves a child more than he loves Jesus is not worthy. ME: Not asking for much, is he? Nothing self-important here!
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
11:11: John the Baptist is the greatest man ever, but he's shit compared to the lowest peon in heaven. ME: Why should we even try?
11 Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist: notwithstanding he that is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.
11:20-24: Jesus condemns multiple cities to hell for not believing. ...Very loving.
20 Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein most of his mighty works were done, because they repented not:
21 Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.
22 But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you.
23 And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell: for if the mighty works, which have been done in thee, had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day.
24 But I say unto you, That it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee.
11:25: Jesus all congratulatory to god about hiding things from the wise and prudent but revealing them to babes. ...So, he creates smart people just to leave them in the dark...so they can be led into the fire?
25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.
12:1-5: Jesus' disciples caught red-handed violating the sabbath. When called out on it, he claims that it's written that priests can violate the sabbath without sinning. There is no such reference we can find. Did Jesus just sin? The law of Israel did not permit gathering food on the sabbath. Neither David nor the exception made for priests seem to justify the disciples action.
1 At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungred, and began to pluck the ears of corn, and to eat.
2 But when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day.
3 But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was an hungred, and they that were with him;
4 How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests?
5 Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless?
12:24-29: The Pharisees suspect Jesus is the prince of evil casting out his own minions when he casts out demons. Jesus responds by saying that can't be because the devil can't cast himself out without his kingdom becoming divided and falling...what???
24 But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils.
25 And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:
26 And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how shall then his kingdom stand?
27 And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your children cast them out? therefore they shall be your judges.
28 But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you.
29 Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house.
12:38-39: When the Pharisees question his messiah-ness and ask him for a sign, he says only evil people would ask for a sign. ...These are big claims, and you'd think he'd back them up.
38 Then certain of the scribes and of the Pharisees answered, saying, Master, we would see a sign from thee.
39 But he answered and said unto them, An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given to it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas
12:40: Jesus refers to Jonas' 3 nights in the whale's belly as if it were fact, and he says hell is in the earth.
40 For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.
13:10-14: Jesus explains that he speaks in parables to confuse people he doesn't want to save...and to purposefully fulfill a prophesy in Isaiah.
10 And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables?
11 He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.
12 For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.
13 Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.
14 And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:
14:2: Herod thought Jesus was a resurrected John the Baptist. This was a common opinion at the time (Mt.16:13-14, Mk.6:14-15 and 8:27-28, Lk.9:7-8 and 18-19). If so many of Jesus' contemporaries could be so easily fooled about John the Baptist, what does that do to the credibility of the resurrection of Jesus?
2 And said unto his servants, This is John the Baptist; he is risen from the dead; and therefore mighty works do shew forth themselves in him.
15:1-4: The Pharisees ask Jesus why his disciples don't wash their hands before eating bread, as is tradition. Jesus calls them hypocrites because they don't kill children who defy their parents. So, clearly Jesus is on board with the OT god about killing unruly children. Loving?
1 Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying,
2 Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread.
3 But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?
4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
15:13-14: Jesus calls these same Pharisees leaders of the blind...and that if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch. ...So much for being loving, kind or saving souls.
13 But he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.
14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
15:22-28: A woman of Canaan asked Jesus to heal her possessed daughter. Jesus ignores her like a prick, and the disciples ask him to send her away because she was crying after them. Jesus replies that he's just here for the people of Israel. She pleaded with him again, and he responds by saying you don't feed the children's bread to the dogs. After she pleads further, Jesus decides to throw the “dog” a scrap and heals her daughter. ...Jesus being racist.
22 And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.
23 But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.
24 But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
25 Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
26 But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs.
27 And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.
28 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.
Another repeat of the dividing loaves and fish story – thought to be a retelling of the same story.
16:4: Jesus once again refuses to give a sign to prove he's the son of god, probably because he doesn't want to save THOSE people.
4 A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given unto it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas. And he left them, and departed.
16:18-20: Jesus asks his group what the word on the street is about his identity. The guesses vary wildly (more confusion about who he is). Jesus proclaims Peter the first pope (upon this rock I will build my church) for believing that he is the son of god...and then tells the disciples to keep it a secret, further muddling the picture for those he doesn't want to save.
18 And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
19 And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
20 Then charged he his disciples that they should tell no man that he was Jesus the Christ.
16:21-23: Jesus starts to tell the disciples about his death. Peter argues against that course, and Jesus calls him Satan. Note that 3 verses ago Jesus sung his praises.
21 From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.
22 Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.
23 But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.
16:28: Jesus states that some of the people with him will not die before he returns with his kingdom. ...Swing and a miss.
28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.
17:11-13: Jesus claims that Elijah already came as John the Baptist. ...John disagrees.
11 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Elias truly shall first come, and restore all things.
12 But I say unto you, That Elias is come already, and they knew him not, but have done unto him whatsoever they listed. Likewise shall also the Son of man suffer of them.
13 Then the disciples understood that he spake unto them of John the Baptist.
21:22: Another claim that you'll get whatever you pray for.
22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
23:9: Don't call your father, “Father” because your true father is god. ...Who's your daddy?
9 And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.
23:36: Jesus again saying that his return will come in THIS generation.
36 Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.
24:19: Those pregnant or nursing will have a rough time toward the end times. WHY? ...Supposedly, it's because those who were pregnant or nursing would have a hard time fleeing quickly – how very kind!
19 And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
24:34: Another claim that the end of the world will come during THIS generation.
34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
26:7-11: A woman puts very expensive ointment on Jesus, and the disciples say it should've been sold to help the poor. Jesus says the poor can wait because there will always be poor people, but they won't always have him...
7 There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.
8 But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?
9 For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.
10 When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.
11 For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.
27:37: This version has the following above Jesus' head: “This is Jesus the king of the Jews”.
37 And set up over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
27:51-54: When Jesus dies, there's 3 hours of darkness and dead saints walking about, but there's no record of this outside of the gospels.
51 And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent.
52 And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,
53 And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
54 Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.
27:57-60: Another apostle named Joseph put Jesus' body in a tomb he carved out of rock, and he rolls a great stone over the opening. ...How big can the stone be if 1 man can roll it?
57 When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple:
58 He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered.
59 And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth,
60 And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.
28:1-7: Mary and Mary go to the tomb, and an angel rolls the stone away and kills (or faints) the soldiers guarding the tomb.
1 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
2 And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.
3 His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:
4 And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.
5 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.
6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
7 And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
28:16-18: The risen Jesus appears ONLY to the apostles at a remote mountain area. Even some of the apostles didn't believe. Why didn't he appear to more people as was claimed later on by Paul???
16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.
17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.
18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
Mark marker
1:34: When Jesus was casting out demons, he didn’t let them speak because they knew him. …???
34 And he healed many that were sick of divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suffered not the devils to speak, because they knew him.
3:18: New disciple Thaddaeus, not mentioned much elsewhere.
18 And Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Canaanite,
3:21-22: Jesus’ friends think he’s crazy, and some scribes suspect he can cast out demons because he’s Satan. ME: If the people of the time can't figure out who he is, how should we know?
21 And when his friends heard of it, they went out to lay hold on him: for they said, He is beside himself.
22 And the scribes which came down from Jerusalem said, He hath Beelzebub, and by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils.
3:23-24: Same argument as in Matthew about Satan not casting out Satan…makes as much sense as god not being able to command angels because god can’t command god.
23 And he called them unto him, and said unto them in parables, How can Satan cast out Satan?
24 And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.
4:12: Another reference to purposefully confusing people Jesus doesn’t want to save by using parables. It’s obvious he isn’t offering salvation to everybody…or even most people. ME: How loving is this?
12 That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.
5:2-3: Mark tells of Jesus forcing multiple demons out of 1 man while in Matthew there were 2 men with 1 demon each. ME: You'd think the editors would've corrected missteps like this over the centuries.
2 And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,
3 Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
5:30: Jesus the mind reader can’t tell who touched his clothes to be healed.
30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?
10:19: Jesus randomly lists 6 of the commandments, but this time it’s “defraud not” instead of “love thy neighbor as thyself”. ME: You'd think the commandments Jesus thinks are most important would be big news and would be recorded with care.
19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.
14:61-62: When asked if he is the son of god, he says “I am” where in Matthew, it’s a passive “if you say so”.
61 But he held his peace, and answered nothing. Again the high priest asked him, and said unto him, Art thou the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?
62 And Jesus said, I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.
This time, the words shown above the dying Jesus are “The king of the Jews”, so another difference there on something that should be important and etched into memory for these people.
16:1-6: This time, the 2 ladies go to the unguarded tomb, find the stone rolled away already and 1 young man in white sitting there.
1 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him.
2 And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the sun.
3 And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre?
4 And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great.
5 And entering into the sepulchre, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a long white garment; and they were affrighted.
6 And he saith unto them, Be not affrighted: Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, which was crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold the place where they laid him.
Instead of appearing to all his disciples on a mountainside, this time he appears randomly to small groups of them at a time and then to the 11. Why is he appearing to only the people who already believe?
Luke marker
Matthew claims that Mary and Joseph lived in Bethlehem, had Jesus, then moved to Nazareth. Luke claims they lived in Nazareth, moved to Bethlehem and then had Jesus.
2:22-24: Mary was still considered unclean after having Jesus and still needed to undergo purification…by sacrificing 2 birds. Obviously, animal sacrifice for birth or menstruation is still followed in the NT.
22 And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;
23 (As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;)
24 And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.
4:1-30: Jesus claims divinity, and the population of Jesus’ home town tries to kill him for blasphemy. He runs away. ME: Maybe everyone in his home town knew him from his embarassing, unrecorded teenage years?
1 And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,
2 Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.
3 And the devil said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread.
4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.
5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.
6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.
7 If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine.
8 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.
9 And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence:
10 For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee:
11 And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.
12 And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
13 And when the devil had ended all the temptation, he departed from him for a season.
14 And Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit into Galilee: and there went out a fame of him through all the region round about.
15 And he taught in their synagogues, being glorified of all.
16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up: and, as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the sabbath day, and stood up for to read.
17 And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
19 To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.
20 And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on him.
21 And he began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears.
22 And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth. And they said, Is not this Joseph's son?
23 And he said unto them, Ye will surely say unto me this proverb, Physician, heal thyself: whatsoever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in thy country.
24 And he said, Verily I say unto you, No prophet is accepted in his own country.
25 But I tell you of a truth, many widows were in Israel in the days of Elias, when the heaven was shut up three years and six months, when great famine was throughout all the land;
26 But unto none of them was Elias sent, save unto Sarepta, a city of Sidon, unto a woman that was a widow.
27 And many lepers were in Israel in the time of Eliseus the prophet; and none of them was cleansed, saving Naaman the Syrian.
28 And all they in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath,
29 And rose up, and thrust him out of the city, and led him unto the brow of the hill whereon their city was built, that they might cast him down headlong.
30 But he passing through the midst of them went his way,
8:27: This time, the person amongst the tombs with the devils is 1 person, with 1 devil, but he’s naked.
27 And when he went forth to land, there met him out of the city a certain man, which had devils long time, and ware no clothes, neither abode in any house, but in the tombs.
10:21: Jesus again thanking god for hiding salvation from the smart and prudent…happy that only children and morons listen to him.
21 In that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes: even so, Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight.
11:19: Again, Jesus is accused of being able to cast out devils because he’s Satan. Instead of the lame kingdom-divided argument, he asks them how their sons cast out devils. The lesson here is that OTHER PEOPLE CAN CAST OUT DEVILS.
19 And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your sons cast them out? therefore shall they be your judges.
12:51-53: Jesus says he isn’t here to bring peace but rather division and family infighting.
51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
16:16: Jesus states that the OT laws were only to be followed until John the Baptist.
16 The law and the prophets were until John: since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it.
16:17: Now he says that it’s easier for the heaven and earth to pass than for the OT law to change. Which is it?
17 And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail.
16:19-31: Parable of Lazarus. The man who had a good life is tormented while he who had a poor life is rewarded. The rich man in hell asks for Lazarus to go to his home and warn his 5 living brothers so they don’t suffer the same fate. He’s just looking out for his family, but he’s denied and kept in hell even though he's obviously got plenty of good in him.
19 There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:
20 And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,
21 And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
23 And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
24 And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
25 But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
26 And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
27 Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father's house:
28 For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.
29 Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.
30 And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.
31 And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.
17:27: Jesus believes in the story of Noah and retells it. We all know that story’s feasible, right?
27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
18:20: This time, Jesus just names 5 of the commandments. These are minor differences, but the point is that multiple books are inaccurate, probably all of them.
20 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.
22:3: In this story, Judas was possessed by Satan.
3 Then entered Satan into Judas surnamed Iscariot, being of the number of the twelve.
23:43: Instead of 2 thieves that mock him, this time Jesus is buddies with 1 of them and promises him heaven. Jesus is really random about who gets the VIP cards into heaven.
43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.
24:4: In this version, the stone is rolled away, and there are 2 men in the tomb.
4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments:
24:11-31: People who followed Jesus this whole time didn’t believe he had risen. Jesus Incognito meets up with 2 of his disciples, and they don’t recognize him until he’s been around a while and is eating with them…and then he vanishes suddenly. …Sounds like a believable story to me!
11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.
12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
13 And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs.
14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened.
15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.
16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.
17 And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?
18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?
19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:
20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.
21 But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done.
22 Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre;
23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive.
24 And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not.
25 Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken:
26 Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?
27 And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.
28 And they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: and he made as though he would have gone further.
29 But they constrained him, saying, Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went in to tarry with them.
30 And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.
31 And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.
John marker
1:19-21: John disagrees with Jesus’ assertion that he is Elijah...or any other prophet.
19 And this is the record of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, Who art thou?
20 And he confessed, and denied not; but confessed, I am not the Christ.
21 And they asked him, What then? Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art thou that prophet? And he answered, No.
1:28: These things were done in Bethabara. According to historians, this place never existed.
28 These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing.
3:13: Claim that no man is in heaven, although earlier Elijah was taken up to heaven in a whirlwind.
13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.
5:46: Jesus claims that Moses wrote of him, but there’s no record of it.
46 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me.
7:38: Jesus says the scripture says of the people who believe in him: out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. Another quote from Jesus that’s not supported.
38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
8:15: Jesus claims to judge no man. That’s just plain incorrect.
15 Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man.
8:16: Jesus says that if he WERE to judge, he would be right.
16 And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.
8:52: 11 people think Jesus is the son of god, while most of the Jewish nation thinks he’s from Satan and were ready to stone him.
52 Then said the Jews unto him, Now we know that thou hast a devil. Abraham is dead, and the prophets; and thou sayest, If a man keep my saying, he shall never taste of death.
9:39: Jesus says for judgment I come to this world. …Completely contradicting 8:15.
39 And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they which see not might see; and that they which see might be made blind.
10:20: Many of the people of Jesus’ time thought he was nuts.
20 And many of them said, He hath a devil, and is mad; why hear ye him?
10:33-35: The Jews are ready to stone him again for blasphemy, and he says sure I claim to be god, but we are ALL gods! Uh…what?
33 The Jews answered him, saying, For a good work we stone thee not; but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man, makest thyself God.
34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?
35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken;
14:14: Jesus claims that if you ask for anything in his name, he will do it. That’s obviously false. ME: You'd think there'd be more sick children cured by their parents' prayers.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
18:5: Instead of betrayal by a kiss, Jesus clearly identifies himself.
5 They answered him, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus saith unto them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with them.
19:19-20: This time, the title above the cross is Jesus of Nazareth the King of the Jews. That’s 4 different gospels and 4 different signs. You’d think those words would be burned into their minds.
19 And Pilate wrote a title, and put it on the cross. And the writing was, JESUS OF NAZARETH THE KING OF THE JEWS.
19:20: The sign is even translated into several languages.
20 This title then read many of the Jews: for the place where Jesus was crucified was nigh to the city: and it was written in Hebrew, and Greek, and Latin.
19:30: This time, Jesus says “it is finished” and dies. No temple destruction, no earthquakes, no darkness, no zombies.
30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.
This time, Joseph and Nicodemus go to get Jesus’ body…in the spirit of biblical contradictions.
20:1-14: Another completely different story about who visited the tomb, but in 20:9 it says the disciples didn’t know that Jesus was going to rise again. One of the Marys arrived, ran back to get the disciples. A disciple then saw 2 angels in the tomb. A disciple also saw Jesus standing there, but he didn’t recognize him. ME: Written like a bad soap-opera...waiting for someone to get a Hollywood-style case of amnesia.
1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.
2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.
3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre.
4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre.
5 And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in.
6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
8 Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed.
9 For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise again from the dead.
10 Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.
11 But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,
12 And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
13 And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.
14 And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.
20:19: Once again, Jesus only appears to the disciples, but this time it’s in a locked building…and he had to return later so Thomas could see.
19 Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.
These events should’ve been the most pivotal in their lives, but they can’t get many of the facts right.
Acts marker
1:3: Says Jesus showed himself to be alive by many infallible proofs. …Uh…
3 To whom also he shewed himself alive after his passion by many infallible proofs, being seen of them forty days, and speaking of the things pertaining to the kingdom of God:
1:9-11: COMPLETELY different version of Jesus’ ascension. This time, he just floats up to heaven, and 2 guys appear saying he’ll return in the same manner.
9 And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.
10 And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;
11 Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.
1:18: In this version, Judas purchased a field with his betrayal money and then died with his bowels gushing out. Before, the story was that he gave his money away and killed himself.
18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.
Note that there is a Gospel of Judas that isn’t included in the bible in which Judas is a good guy, just following Jesus’ orders.
2:13-20: They’re gathered for the first ministry and begin speaking in tongues. People began mocking them because they sounded drunk, so Peter does his sales pitch about the need to repent.
13 Others mocking said, These men are full of new wine.
14 But Peter, standing up with the eleven, lifted up his voice, and said unto them, Ye men of Judaea, and all ye that dwell at Jerusalem, be this known unto you, and hearken to my words:
15 For these are not drunken, as ye suppose, seeing it is but the third hour of the day.
16 But this is that which was spoken by the prophet Joel;
17 And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:
18 And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy:
19 And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke:
20 The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before that great and notable day of the Lord come:
2:31: The other versions so far have Jesus going right up to heaven, including earlier in this very book. Now, Jesus apparently was in hell for a while before ascending.
31 He seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell, neither his flesh did see corruption.
2:36-38: Peter makes the people feel guilty and then give them a remedy for that guilt – join the cult. Thus begins a central Christian practice.
36 Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made that same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ.
37 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?
38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
4:13: Peter and John, the main supporters of Christianity, were “unlearned and ignorant men”. Yet, they convince others because they’re so bold and assertive with their claims.
13 Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.
5:12-16: The apostles can now do all the miracles that Jesus did – minus self-resurrection.
12 And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought among the people; (and they were all with one accord in Solomon's porch.
13 And of the rest durst no man join himself to them: but the people magnified them.
14 And believers were the more added to the Lord, multitudes both of men and women.)
15 Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them.
16 There came also a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.
12:20: Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed by Nebuchadnezzar, never to be built again, yet here it’s mentioned as not destroyed.
20 And Herod was highly displeased with them of Tyre and Sidon: but they came with one accord to him, and, having made Blastus the king's chamberlain their friend, desired peace; because their country was nourished by the king's country.
12:21-23: Herod speaks with authority and is thought to be speaking as a god, but an angel kills him for not giving the glory to god. …Historians have that Herod died in 4 BCE, well before Jesus came around. ...People of this time are SOOOO easy to convince that someone is god.
21 And upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them.
22 And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man.
23 And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.
14:11-12: People back then were very eager to attribute events to gods. They thought Barnabas was Jupiter and Paul was Mercury.
11 And when the people saw what Paul had done, they lifted up their voices, saying in the speech of Lycaonia, The gods are come down to us in the likeness of men.
12 And they called Barnabas, Jupiter; and Paul, Mercurius, because he was the chief speaker.
15:10, 24: The disciples decide that the OT circumcision rule doesn’t need to be followed anymore. They feel they have this authority, and so begins the practice of changing doctrines to suit what you want.
10 Now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?
24 Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, Ye must be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no such commandment:
15:29: The disciples take more liberties and cherry-pick the 4 rules that must be followed.
29 That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.
16:6: The holy spirit tells them to not preach in Asia. ...Does god want Asians to burn?
6 Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach the word in Asia,
19:19: First book burning for Christ.
19 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver.
21:39: In the space of a few verses, Paul lies and claims he’s a Jew, then a Roman, then a Pharisee. ME: Obviously, truth doesn’t mean much to this man…whatever serves his purpose at the time.
39 But Paul said, I am a man which am a Jew of Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, a citizen of no mean city: and, I beseech thee, suffer me to speak unto the people.
24:12-14: Now Paul denies he’s done any preaching.
12 And they neither found me in the temple disputing with any man, neither raising up the people, neither in the synagogues, nor in the city:
13 Neither can they prove the things whereof they now accuse me.
14 But this I confess unto thee, that after the way which they call heresy, so worship I the God of my fathers, believing all things which are written in the law and in the prophets:
Romans marker
1:25-27: Paul condemns gays and lesbians.
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
7:6: Paul proclaims that they are now free of the OT laws, although that’s definitely NOT what Jesus said (either that the old laws are immutable OR that they no longer applied after John the Baptist).
6 But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter.
9:22: Another reference to people being created specifically for hell…to demonstrate god’s power.
22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:
1st Corinthians marker
1:4: Paul getting all self righteous about thanking god on others’ behalf. There are multiple instances where he’s rather pompous. This is the start of the infighting that Christians are known for.
4 I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ;
1:19, 21, 27: More reference to intelligence being bad and foolishness being good, or at least an asset. ME: It’s been established that Paul isn’t that smart or learned. He’s the cornerstone that nobody else wanted. It’s little wonder that he’d have contempt what he doesn’t have and couldn’t hope to understand.
19 For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.
21 For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.
27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
5:9-13: Don’t associate with people who sin. ME: Nice basis for judging others and for not trying to save them.
9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
6:15-18: Paul condemning sex and/or prostitution. ME: He must’ve had some GIANT hang-ups.
15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
7:1-2, 8-9: To avoid sleeping around, we should all get married.
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
7:14: Supposedly, if 1 person in the family believes, the whole family is saved. ME: So, we can be saved not only by Jesus but by our family as well? I'll stop my efforts to get my family to find reason immediately! : )
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
7:18-19: Paul downplays circumcision’s importance. He also advises against circumcision or UNcircumcision. ME: If Paul thinks one can become uncircumcised, maybe he doesn’t have a penis. That would explain is love of abstinence. Based on his earlier rant against homosexuals, it's clear he has issues. Maybe he needs to step out of the closet?
18 Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised.
19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God.
7:27: Now, he tells us to NOT get married if we aren’t already. Never mind if we can't abstain.
27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
7:29: Marital status doesn’t matter because the end is coming soon…per a news flash from 2000 years ago.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
7:33: Now, he’s saying that marriage is bad because it brings focus to worldly things. ME: Again, this man either doesn’t care about truth, or he can’t track what version of the truth he wants to go with…or he’s a moron. This reminds me of a psycho I used to date that would just make up her story as she went along solely for the purpose of manipulating her audience. What was real and what wasn’t was of no concern to her. It was all for effect.
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
8:1-2: Knowledge makes you prideful. It’s better to be stupid and unlearned. The charity part is good, though.
1 Now as touching things offered unto idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.
2 And if any man think that he knoweth any thing, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.
9:20-22: Paul openly admits that he pretends to be one of the people he’s preaching to in order to convert more of them. That explains the “I’m a Jew”, then “I’m a Roman”, etc. …It’s clearly dishonest. He lulls them into a false sense of security, then severs their brain stem with the blade of religion.
20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;
21 To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.
22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.
11:1-2: Paul claims to speak for Jesus just as Jesus spoke for god. He seems more interested in people following him than following Jesus. ME: Is this a religious power-grab? The liberties he took earlier to toss out the OT rules and his condescending demeanor are consistent with this.
1 Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.
2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you.
11:3-9: Paul says Christ is the head of every man, and the head of the woman is the man. Also, he says that women should cover their hair or be shaven and that women were created for men, not the other way around. …Sexism is still alive and well in the NT.
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.
5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
14:18: Paul thanks his god that he speaks in tongues more than anyone else does…nice brag.
18 I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all:
14:22-28: Speak in tongues in pairs so 1 can interpret the other (of course we can understand each others' babble-speak). ...Don’t speak in tongues without an interpreter so the non-believers don’t think we’re mad or drunk.
22 Wherefore tongues are for a sign, not to them that believe, but to them that believe not: but prophesying serveth not for them that believe not, but for them which believe.
23 If therefore the whole church be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned, or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad?
24 But if all prophesy, and there come in one that believeth not, or one unlearned, he is convinced of all, he is judged of all:
25 And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth.
26 How is it then, brethren? when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying.
27 If any man speak in an unknown tongue, let it be by two, or at the most by three, and that by course; and let one interpret.
28 But if there be no interpreter, let him keep silence in the church; and let him speak to himself, and to God.
14:34-35: It is a shame for women to speak in the church. They should ask their husbands if they have a question. Why do women follow this religion?
34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
15:3-4: Supposedly, Jesus died and rose according to the scriptures. …What scriptures???
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
15:6: The gospels say zombie Jesus ONLY appeared to the disciples. Now, Paul claims that he was seen by 500 at once. ME: Shuty says that Acts earlier claimed 120 people saw him, but I didn't find that. Regardless, the number just keeps growing! He's a braggert and a liar.
6 After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.
2nd Corinthians marker
3:6: Paul says that people like him are good at preaching the good Christain feeling but are pretty much illiterate about the book itself. That’s rather telling.
6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.
6:14: Christians should not associate with non-believers.
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
12:20-21: Paul hesitates to visit Corinth because he doesn’t want to tarnish his image of them with the evil that surely goes on there…nice holier than thou sentiment.
20 For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults:
21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.
Galatians marker
3:13: Paul says Jesus eliminated the curse of the OT law because it’s written that anyone who hangs on a tree is cursed, and Jesus died on a cross…made of wood. There’s some serious guessing going on here.
13 Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree.
3:19-25: More attempts to justify getting rid of the OT laws. Keep in mind there are no angels dictating this speech. It’s just Paul, telling us what version of truth he’s adopting now.
19 Wherefore then serveth the law? It was added because of transgressions, till the seed should come to whom the promise was made; and it was ordained by angels in the hand of a mediator.
20 Now a mediator is not a mediator of one, but God is one.
21 Is the law then against the promises of God? God forbid: for if there had been a law given which could have given life, verily righteousness should have been by the law.
22 But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.
23 But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.
24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.
25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.
5:2-6: Now Paul condemns circumcision because doing so means you’ve signed the agreement to follow the letter of the OT law instead of Jesus. ...And this guy supposedly wrote much of the NT! ME: Another way to interpret this is that we're saved by faith, not the law, BUT Jesus was quite clear about the old laws applying. This is Paul doing what Paul does best – making shit up.
2 Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.
3 For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law.
4 Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.
5 For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.
6 For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.
5:20-26: More of Paul's ad libbing about what the church stands for... AM: Doesn't it bother anyone that this is one man ad-libbing?
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Ephesians marker
Pretty much every scholar agrees that this book was written by someone pretending to be Paul years after his death. ME: Supposedly, during this time it was common for a disciple of a famous teacher to write a letter in the name of the teacher. That is mentioned as a defense of the marked difference in writing style, but I think it adds to the murkiness of the sources of these texts, and if this disciple learned ad lib from Paul, who knows where he might be leading us.
2:12-13: Paul says these people are hopeless and without god, but now Jesus has saved them from that affliction…you know, the affliction they weren’t aware of. ME: This is one of the things that always irked me. One has to accept that you’re in a prostrate position and somehow flawed or evil in order to need Jesus. In the same way, Jesus has no purpose without the ugly OT stuff.
12 That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world:
13 But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.
4:9: Reference to hell being in the lower parts of the earth.
9 Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth?
5:7-8: Don’t associate with evildoers. …I guess we aren’t supposed to save them.
7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
5:24: Women are supposed to subject themselves to their husbands in everything.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
6:5: Servants should be obedient to their masters because we’re all subject to god.
5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;
Colossians marker
These rambling letters from Paul make up a big part of the NT. These have added punch because they’re so old. Letters like these, written in modern language so they could be clearly understood, would be dismissed out of hand.
This letter also is believed to be written later by a Paul impersonator.
1:23-25: Paul claims Jesus didn’t suffer quite enough, so Paul claims to be doing all of the leftover suffering that needs to be done. …Uh, what? He also claims to be giving direction from god. AM: Wow, he's clearly mad – delusional to be specific.
23 If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;
24 Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for his body's sake, which is the church:
25 Whereof I am made a minister, according to the dispensation of God which is given to me for you, to fulfil the word of God;
2:16: Paul dismisses the need to follow the Sabbath. Another rule he decides to throw out of his own accord. Even Jesus made an excuse for breaking the Sabbath.
16 Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:
ME: He also talks a lot in his letters about fearing god. ME: That doesn’t sound much like a “personal relationship” I have any interest in.
1st Thessalonians marker
2:10: Congratulates believers on how holily, justly and unblameably they behave. ME: Wait a minute, isn’t faith instead of deeds now the name of the game? If we aren’t lower than dirt after all, what need of saving or redemption do we have?
10 Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe:
Paul claims he would’ve visited, but Satan hindered him. …In line with the other cop-outs he gave for not visiting the other people he’s written this carbon-copy letter to. ME: I just found my new favorite excuse!
2nd Thessalonians marker
1:8-9: Proclaims how god will return and take vengeance on non-believers and punish them with everlasting destruction. …What of people raised under a different religion or who never heard of this?
8 In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
9 Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power;
1:11: More condescension – “we” pray to “our” god that he’ll consider you worthy.
11 Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power:
2:2-9: Paul tells of some things that must come before Jesus returns – contradicting what has been previously stated. It’s thought that this letter was written to divert and cover up the fact that Jesus didn’t return before this generation had passed. Supposedly, now, there’s an antichrist and a chance for Satan to show his power before Jesus returns.
2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.
3 Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.
5 Remember ye not, that, when I was yet with you, I told you these things?
6 And now ye know what withholdeth that he might be revealed in his time.
7 For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way.
8 And then shall that Wicked be revealed, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth, and shall destroy with the brightness of his coming:
9 Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders,
2:10-12: God will purposefully mislead people he doesn't want to save by sending them "strong delusion", that they should believe a lie. ...Again, he supposedly created some of us just to destroy us as a show of power. Same old OT god!
10 And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
3:6,14: Paul tells these people to not be in the company of those who disobey what this letter says. …Ah, Christianity. The cult of exclusion.
6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.
1st Timothy marker
1:13: Mention of Paul’s past as Saul. …Much of the NT is written by this man who was a sinner and made blind or blaspheming. Also, at no point in the bible does a godly figure show approval for what Paul/Saul is saying now that nobody's there to fight him on it.
13 Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
2:8: Paul advises praying everywhere…in direct opposition to what Jesus said in Matthew about praying in private.
8 I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.
2:9-14: Women are to wear modest apparel – no braided hair, gold or pearls. Women should learn in silence with all subjection. A woman should not be allowed to teach nor have authority over a man. ...Sexism alive and well in the NT! Still blaming Eve for the apple.
9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
4:1-3: Some people will be misled into doctrines that forbid marriage and command them to abstain from meats, which god created to be received with thanksgiving. …Apparently being vegetarian is some sort of sin because you're rejecting god's gift.
1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
6:1-2: All slaves should honor their masters, especially if those masters are Christians.
1 Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.
2 And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort.
6:20: Anything contradicting the bible should be dismissed – specific mention of science.
20 O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:
2nd Timothy marker
This book talks of sinners as “without natural affection”. Fundamentalists use these verses as a condemnation of homosexuality from the NT.
Titus marker
ME: Another book supposedly not really written by Paul, but by one of his followers...murky as hell.
Paul once again, his intro saying that god cannot lie. …Can’t an all-powerful god do whatever he wants? ME: In 2nd Thessalonians 2:10-12, it’s stated that god will purposefully send some of us a strong delusion that we will believe a lie. Sounds like lying to me!
2:4-5: Women should be taught to be obedient, good keepers of the home.
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
2:9: Another statement that slaves should obey their masters. ME: A Christian response to this is that a conscience on slavery hadn't arisen yet. Doesn't this defense support the idea that we are advancing and growing up as a species in spite of religion teaching us outdated ways to be? It also goes to show that the writers of this junk did not have even average morality by today's standards in spite of supposedly channeling god at the time.
9 Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things; not answering again;
Philemon marker
Most of this letter is Paul talking about returning his slave back to Philemon, his “rightful owner”.
Hebrews marker
Anonymous authorship, pages of prose with no clear point.
3:3: Jesus has more glory than Moses. …A little unfriendly competition with the Jewish faith.
3 For this man was counted worthy of more glory than Moses, inasmuch as he who hath builded the house hath more honour than the house.
3:16-19: The people who followed Moses those 40 years in the wilderness and died were clearly sinners who god rejected. …Take that, Jews.
16 For some, when they had heard, did provoke: howbeit not all that came out of Egypt by Moses.
17 But with whom was he grieved forty years? was it not with them that had sinned, whose carcases fell in the wilderness?
18 And to whom sware he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that believed not?
19 So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief.
6:4-6: Christians who fall out of faith can’t be saved because they’ve shamed Jesus.
4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
8:8: The original covenant between god and man was flawed, so Jesus made a new one. …Can be interpreted as having to reject the covenant with god to accept the one with Jesus. This was stated another way in Paul’s earlier rant about circumcision translating to an acceptance of the old covenant. ME: Yet another change to the deal? God can't get it right.
8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:
12:6-8: Jesus only beats the ones he loves.
6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
ME:
The division between beliefs based on god and those based on Jesus
are glaring. I’m sure the NT writers wouldn’t diss the
OT so much if not for the Jewish faith accepting only the OT.
James marker
For once, a letter that isn’t written by Paul (or someone claiming to be him).
He talks about loving thy neighbor as thyself, but then he goes off on the rich people.
1st Peter marker
Attributed to Peter, who is illiterate according to Acts 4:13. ME: Also, some of the persecutions listed in this book occurred after Peter's death.
2:18-21: Slaves, endure your shitty life and be fearful because Jesus suffered to set an example.
18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
3:1-3: More about how women should dress humbly and subject to your husbands.
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
3:15: Always be ready to give an answer to every man who asks the reason for your hope. …Useful if a theist refuses to debate an atheist.
15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
2nd Peter marker
Thought to be written around 95 CE, long after Peter’s death…for multiple reasons.
1:20-21: Scripture is objective and not meant for interpretation because it wasn’t a man with his demographic limitations that wrote it. It was god using holy men as vessels to speak through. …SO, this means nobody can say “that’s just how things were back then” or “that’s not what god meant” without contradicting this verse.
20 Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.
21 For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.
2:16: Reference to an OT story about the talking donkey. ME: Maybe this was a prophesy about the coming of Shrek?
16 But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet.
3:4, 8: Admission that the generation has passed without Jesus’ return. He explains that by saying that time is different for god – “a thousand years is as 1 day”. …Nice that they can change the rules so easily and with such certainty. ME: He's not coming back, folks! The sidestepping here should be VERY troubling.
4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
3:15-16: Admission that Paul’s letters are hard to understand and that you try to understand them at your own risk. …And Paul is the one who wrote so much of the NT. ME: And again, Peter was supposed to be illiterate, yet, he's supposedly clearer than Paul.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
1st John marker
This was written to counter the heresies that Jesus did not come back by the flesh but just by the spirit.
1:7, 10: The only choices are (1) to admit you’re a sinner and take a bloodbath in Jesus’ blood, OR (2) say that you haven’t sinned and call Jesus a liar.
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
2:18: There are many antichrists, supposedly???
18 Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time.
2:22: Anyone who doesn’t believe is an antichrist. …Rather liberal use of the term! ME: I never thought of myself as an antichrist, but I guess if the shoe fits…
22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
3:2: When Jesus returns, the believers will be just like him. …So, they think they’ll all be like Jesus. ME: Kind of cocky, aren’t we?
2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.
2nd John marker
1:10-11: If someone isn’t a believer, don’t receive him into your house, and don’t bid him god speed - to do so is to partake in his evil deeds.
10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed:
11 For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.
Revelation marker
ME: Let the bad acid trip begin!
1:1: God gave these revelations to Jesus, who then passed it on to an angel, who then passed it on to John. …So, a divine telephone game delivered the prophesy of our doom.
1 The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified it by his angel unto his servant John:
This is supposedly a letter written to the “angels” of the churches. …More church on church infighting action. They’re always judging the hell out of each other.
2:12-13: Jesus knows where Satan is – the town of Pergamos.
12 And to the angel of the church in Pergamos write; These things saith he which hath the sharp sword with two edges;
13 I know thy works, and where thou dwellest, even where Satan's seat is: and thou holdest fast my name, and hast not denied my faith, even in those days wherein Antipas was my faithful martyr, who was slain among you, where Satan dwelleth.
This book, when it gets to the prophesy part, completely lacks imagination. Everything can be found on earth. Even the beasts there look like things on earth, but with more eyes and horns. And everything seems to have a crown, or if they want to make something really seem powerful, they simply add more crowns. ME: The story is absurd, and I won’t reference much of it here. I’ll just focus on the really, really, really insane stuff.
6:13: And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth. ME: If that happened, it would be game over for the earth right there.
13 And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.
7:1: He saw angels on the 4 corners of the earth. …We all know the earth is square. This wouldn’t work so well on a round earth.
1 And after these things I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth, holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, nor on the sea, nor on any tree.
7:4: At this point, only 144,000 Jews get into heaven…and we find out later that they’re all virgins. …very Jew-centric, very virgin-centric.
4 And I heard the number of them which were sealed: and there were sealed an hundred and forty and four thousand of all the tribes of the children of Israel.
7:15: The people who get to heaven get to serve god day and night. …This vain god has slaves to serve him day and night in his building of vanity.
15 Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.
9:6: And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them. …The next time someone uses this verse to scare someone into believing, remind them that this quote referred to locust-scorpions that climbed out of a bottomless pit formed by a star that fell from heaven after 5 angels blew trumpets in a vision about a book that was opened by a dead lamb/lion hybrid (interesting breeding).
6 And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
10:10: John eats a little book that tastes like honey and is bitter in his belly.
10 And I took the little book out of the angel's hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter.
12:3-4: A great red dragon comes out of heaven, and his tail swats 1/3 of the stars down to earth. …We all know that the stars are small and hung over earth on a canopy.
3 And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.
4 And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.
13:18: Giving 666 as the number of the beast. ME: People of the time sometimes encoded parts of their messages with numbers, so this isn’t that out of the ordinary. He also states that it’s the number of a man, and the leading theories peg it as a Roman ruler.
18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
A man who’s been exiled to a desolate island suddenly has this vision – a vision of such importance that he would be allowed back into civilization to spread the word of this vision. In fact, to NOT hear about this vision would damn you to hell. (This last statement is Shuty's claim, but I haven't seen (or looked for) the evidence.) Interesting how this vision coincided with his desire to get off of the island.
Below are some of Shuty’s conclusions after covering the whole wretched bible. These only make sense after reading the bible verse section, though.
Christians don’t read the bible. That’s the only explanation he can think of why mentally healthy adults would subscribe to this religion.
The bible isn’t slightly off; it’s fucking bananas from cover to cover. It’s not like you can remove a few bits here and there and its righteous divinity shines through. Quite the opposite; you have to cherry pick just to find usable quotes. And usually those quotes are taken from a malevolent context, such as a speech from god to his army after murdering and looting yet another village.
The Gospels: The 4 stories have very important differences. These are the only sources in existence from the time period claiming a man named Jesus did resurrect. Mary showed up and the guards died, no wait there were no guards and Mary brought other women, and the earthquake opened the tomb, no wait the door was already open…There was a guy sitting in the tomb, no there were 2 guys, no it was empty and then 2 angels and Jesus show up…Jesus talks to his disciples on a mountainside, no as a vision to each disciple individually, no in a house, well it was in a house, but Thomas wasn’t there so he had to come back 8 days later. ME: Sounds like a really long, humorless Old Spice commercial (now I'm on a horse!).
There are many passages of the gospels that are written from an omniscient narrator perspective instead of by a reporter on the scene. How do we know what Jesus said to God while Jesus was alone? The gospels are written as stories, not as first-hand accounts. What's more, the gospels clearly copy and correct each other, with Mark being the original. John's account is much different than the others, and the author is clearly trying to pump some strength and machismo into his main character.
Have some doubt and some humility, and realize that this is just a coping mechanism.